A Reason For Not Shouting At Your Children, Well Not Very Often Anyway!

What is a shout? A shout is when you raise the volume and change the tone of your voice in order to get someone to obey you, preferably without questioning what you are saying.

Parents often shout at their children for very trivial things. Stop standing on the sofa, eat your breakfast or something like that. We have all done it.

The trouble with shouting at children is they get desensitised to it, so mums and dads around the world have to add a bit of a roar to their voice to get the child's attention. Then the child gets desensitised to that and the circle continues. At some point parents can’t up the anti any more and they have to resort to other tactics, like picking them up from the sofa and putting them on the floor while shouting.

What is wrong with this? Well sometimes a shout is all you have to control them with and you want it obeyed. Let use the classic example of a child running towards a road. A simple shout “Stop” will prevent any harm coming to them if they obey it. If they no longer listen to even your most viscous roar then you only option is to chase them and try to physically prevent them getting in harms way. Not an easy option if you have more than one child.

By only shouting at times when you really need them to obey they are much more likely to listen and do what they are told.

For the more minor obedience problems a naughty corner idea (put them in a corner or somewhere out of the way for the same number of minutes as their age) may work well. We give a warning, “Get off the sofa Timmy” then a second warning, usually we move a little closer and ensure they have heard but we do not raise our voice. If they choose to ignore this then it is straight to the naughty corner, no negotiation or discussion with them. Once they have done their minutes we get them to tell us what they did wrong and then don’t mention it again or hold it against them. Putting them in the corner gives parents a time out as well.

If they leave the corner without permission put them back and tell them the time has been reset. After a little while they learn that you are not negotiating and that you are the boss. They start to obey your instructions and because you are not shouting any more the household stress lowers and that helps to make everyone happy.

Of course it is not that easy to reach that point it take hard work on your part but perseverance does pay off. We sometimes thought of it as a game and are sometimes just waiting for the next time they do not obey an instruction.

We are not strict parents and give our children a great deal of freedom but we do require them to follow our instructions if we are giving them direct instructions. I suppose the message here is parents should be in charge not the children because it make for a happier household.